My hands are shaking as I try to type.
I’m not nervous. I am not, well, maybe I am in love. But, that’s not the cause of my shakes. My shaking, trembling hands are cause by nothing more than pure sugar overload.
I made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas without gorging myself full of homemade candies, cakes, and pies. Valentine’s Day came and went without me eating a single piece of chocolate. Then, something came along that my willpower had no power over at all …
Girl Scout Cookies.
Every year I place an order, and every year I make the same mistake. I open that initial box, tear open the plastic wrap, and pick the most unsuspecting cookie to be my first victim. It’s like the old potato chip adage, “I betcha can’t eat just one!” Cookie No. 1 is just the first in what is sure to be a long, chocolaty reign of terror.
Before I know it, the first box is empty. I stumble around the house, my eyes glazed over like doughnuts, and search for another box. At the peak of my sugar high, I find my stash of hidden cookies only to be confronted by another problem. Which cookie should I choose?
Tagalongs are good. Samoas are even better. How about a little bit of both? The latter seems like the best choice, and I dig in. Hours later, I awake on the floor, crumbs scattered all around.
This, of course, is an exaggeration. I haven’t passed out lately on any cookie-eating binges, although I have eaten my fair share of them this year. After my third box, I begin to wonder, “Are these cookies really as good as I think they are?” I came to the conclusion they are not.
It’s all a hoax. The reason they seem so good and why we have to buy about 20 boxes just to “stock up” is that they only come around once a year. If we were able to buy Girl Scout cookies all year long, we would tire of them very quickly.
Don’t get me wrong, the cookies are great, but they are easy to burn out on. It’s just like when I stayed with my grandmamma during the summer years ago. Every day, I had a corndog for lunch. Not, because that’s all there was, but because that’s what I asked for. By the end of that summer, just the thought of another corndog was more than I could handle. Twenty years later, I am just now able to eat corndogs again.
Luckily for me, Girl Scout cookies never last at my house longer than a couple of weeks, much less a full season. I never get a chance to get that old burned out feeling. Instead, I’m always left wanting more which is the genius of the Girl Scouts — quit selling while they are hot and leave everybody wanting more.
Regardless, the cookies generate revenue that will be put to great use by the Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. I keep telling myself that’s the reason I keep eating cookies until I founder — it’s going to a good cause. That must also be the reason I have several boxes in my stash for a “rainy day.”
Faces are on the boxes, making the personification of the box staring at me not completely untrue, and if I listen close enough, I can almost hear the box calling my name. I better cut this article short and go see what it wants. I, for one, want to figure out what a deep-fried Tagalong tastes like!
Named a Tennessee colonel by Gov. Phil Bredesen, Adam Southern is resident of Culleoka and can be followed at http://colonelsouthern.blogspot.com.
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