Redneck or smart?

Southerners are the most ingenious of peoples. Most of this ingeniousness, however, is misinterpreted, causing the Southern masterminds to be labeled “rednecks.”

I, for one, disdain the redneck label. Why should we Southerners be made fun of for being irrepressibly brilliant? Yes. I said brilliant. After all, coming up with a thousand and one uses for duct tape, also known as Alabama chrome, requires a certain degree of brilliance.

That same brilliance is employed everyday by Southerners of all walks of life. Necessity is the mother of invention and no matter what your career path, level of education, or station in life may be, there will come a time when you need a certain tool. If you have this tool, you will use it. If you do not have it, you will improvise with an invention of your own. Whether these inventions being employed make us rednecks or not, that is for the Yankees and Jeff Foxworthy to decide.

Christmas is a great time for improvisations. Running out of wrapping paper is no big deal when you have last Sunday’s paper laying around. The cartoon section makes great wrapping paper for the kids and after they are done ripping the gifts open you can pick it up, read it, and get a laugh.

Now, running out of tape poses more of a problem. However, no hurdle is too high with Southern ingenuity! My eight-year old cousin gave me a gift she wrapped using glue to hold down the edges after she ran out of tape. (What a marvelous child she is!)

Even I used a bit of improvisation during the Holiday Season. Christmas turns me into a big kid all over again. With this big kid energy, I wanted to put lights on the house.

Getting the ladder out, attaching clips to the gutters, and then placing the strands of lights in them is very much a chore. Bravo to anyone who can hang icicle lights with simplicity. The moment they were up I was dreading the day when they would have to come down.

The day finally came, though, and just in time for the Great State of Tennessee to be besieged by artic weather. Not wanting to lug the ladder around just so I could climb up and down, move it over a foot, and do it all over again, I stepped back and weighed my options. All I really needed was a long stick that I could use to knock the clips off the gutters and no ladder would be required and, more importantly, I would be out of the cold a lot sooner.

That’s when I remembered my retractable frog gig. Extended to full length, the gig is a good 10-feet. Add that to my height and I had one optimal Christmas light remover. Honestly, it worked a lot better than I thought it would. The lights that took over an hour to put up were down in around five minutes.

Of course, I was pleased with the results of my first endeavor of 2010. Not only did I accomplish my goal of taking down the lights, I did so in record time. All the while I was honing my giggin’ skills that will surely be employed this Summer. I just hope I will be able to face all situations of the coming year with the same homespun logic for which we Southerners are famous. And who knows, I may be able employ the gig again.

Pay attention, Mr. Foxworthy. You can include this in your next show:

Some may say if you own a frog gig, you might be a redneck. Others may say if you use your frog gig to take down your Christmas lights, you might be a redneck. I say, if you are stuck in the cold for hours, climbing a ladder to remove your Christmas lights, you might ought to be a redneck, or, at least, learn how to think like a Southerner.

Happy New Year!